Remembering Papa Ben

Poor as he may be, my father really worked hard to give me what I was able to enjoy throughout my 21 years. His very best dream was for me to finish school. He was able to send me to a prestigious university, despite his hesitation af first. He really had no idea how he could afford to give me the minimum weekly allowance I needed plus the dorm rent plus other expenses alloted for “projects”. With toil and sweat, and loan after loan, I was able to graduate in college and I knew I made him very happy.

He was the proudest Papa when I landed in a big BPO company. By then he was already ill; he had chronic obstructive pulmonay disease. As I was enjoying my first job’s salary and having difficult time proving to my colleagues that I deserve to pass the training, my father was being sent in and out of the hospital. All along we thought his illness was just making him weak and thinner. But a month after I’ve become regular at work, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Confined in the hospital for 2 weeks, he became paler and thinner; his strong will to get well was our remaining hope that he could really get “well”.

When he was sent to ICU, being not able to speak, he instructed me to get a ballpen and a paper; he wanted to write something.  ”Malakas and utak ko, pero bakit hindi ako makagalaw?” (My mind is still functioning well but why can’t I move my body?).  This was what I had read on a piece of paper. He was fighting to live, but his heart had failed him, all of us, which was ineveitable, as what his doctors said.

Today is his birthday. I always thought that he’d be a great grandpa. Sadly, Vien would never come to know his grandpa, only in pictures and through my stories. I’d tell him how Papa had loved me so much, and  how he’d be ecstatic to see him. 

And I miss him so much. Happy Birthday, Pa. I will love you forever.