Nearing my third trimester: fears and worries

It’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me. My last blog entry was written just after I learned the sex of my baby (his unofficial name: Karl Josef Benjamin). I can tell you that some things about this pregnancy haven’t changed at all. I cannot sleep well most nights because I am unable to find a right position that is comfortable for more than an hour. Most days, by morning, I am faced with the ever-increasing weight in the middle part of my body. This early morning (6am for goodness’ sake!), my baby had a serious issue. He’s kicking and jerking and punching (rolling and galloping, I don’t know what)… much much stronger than he used to. I can’t figure out his problem; his own mother, confused. So once again, my dozing moment has been interrupted.

Today I am contemplating if I am ready to be done with this pregnancy and meet my son. Everything from the practical (buying the baby’s stuff) to the more cerebral and emotional aspects. And I am thinking of our readiness as individuals - myself, papa A, and our families.

For myself, I can only say that I am a bit scared. Reality hits me suddenly. I worry so much about almost everything (I attribute this to the MANY articles I read on the internet, information overload I guess). Will the baby be healthy? Will he have all 10 fingers and 10 toes? Will I ever fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again? (sayang naman kasi hehe) How much weight will I gain? Will this pregnancy ruin my very cute and perky boobs? (no violent reaction pls!) Will having a baby end my badminton life? How about my out-of-town escapades? Will I have a healthy complication-free delivery? Will I poo-poo during the delivery? How much is the delivery really going to HURT? Can I manage a career and motherhood? Will I experience postpartum depression? Will I be able to breastfeed my baby? What if my baby has birth defects? Will I be a good mother? And most importantly, I  am so so scared about joining the ranks of new ideal mommies with their "cutesy cutesy hello bebe, gooh gooh, gaaah gaah" language. How could I possibly fit in?! Tell me.

The questions and worries are endless, although experts say that these  are all normal. OK fine. Inhale… exhale… Breathe in… breathe out. One day, one moment at a time.